The problem with Eminem fans — by an Eminem fan

Just like with any other big fanbase, toxicity is inevitable ; however, major points are being missed

One of the biggest problems of being a content creator for a large fanbase, producing art that provokes emotion of any sort , is that you’re always guaranteed that almost no one will truly understand your message.

Marshall Bruce Mathers III, also known as Eminem (or Slim Shady, or B-Rabbit, or the more recent “Mr. Shave That Beard Please”), demands no introduction. By now, if you haven’t been informed of all the good and bad he did as a rapper and as a person, you’re either not old enough for this or you need to fix your internet cable. I’ll also try my best not to be an apologist here; unlike the majority of Eminem’s fans, I know all too well that he absolutely deserves all the hate he gets from things he said. And that’s where we’re gonna start.

When I was 14, 17, or 19 years old, it was (borderline) acceptable for me to enter endless debates with people who would dare spew hateful words upon my one true savior. Spinning words in arguments and bending over backwards to justify Em’s absolutely unwarranted line about punching Lana del Rey twice is classic fanboy behavior, and since we, as kids and teens, are so inclined to cling onto what we hold dear, the notion of him being in the wrong is too alien for us to accept.

However, by the time you reach adulthood, it’s kinda expected that you take all the attachment down a peg or two. Not that you’re supposed to be a nihilist who doesn’t like anything and lives a boring life — that’s just me on a Sunday — but it is kind of embarassing to still be ignoring obvious problems because you’re caping for a person who doesn’t even know who you are.

Eminem is on his way to 50 years old, and sparing the occasional misogyny that, unfortunately, is deep-rooted within him, he’s mellowed out a lot and has spoken time and time again about how he regrets saying most of the things he said in the past; and that those lines were heavily influenced by his years of drug abuse, anger issues, and a feeling that the world was constantly against him.

I’ll repeat: the words you’re defending are things even Eminem himself wishes he hadn’t said. Yeah, his fame came from all the shock and controversy, but that sort of reputation will always come back to bite you in the end; hence why so many people have a hard time liking his more recent songs . They’re expecting an ex-addict, 40-something-year-old father of three to rap about slitting his mother’s throat like he was 20 and on the Valium again. The fact that he wrote songs of apology* to both his mother (“Headlights”) and his ex-wife Kim (“Bad Husband”) should be evidence enough of how heavy his conscience weighs even today.

(*Some of you likely think he did that to look good for the media, but rap culture, in all its tryhardness, hasn’t been historically very fond of men being sensitive and vulnerable.)

So why is it that most Eminem fans are listening to his current songs while still refusing to mature like he is? That’s the second point: most Eminem fans only listen to what they want to listen.

Case in point: the word “stan”. A stan is, in pop culture, a fan who’s gone beyond “hardcore” in their love for an artist. The term originates from Eminem’s song “Stan”, and his fans have gladly taken possession of the term to denominate themselves.

What people seemed to have missed entirely is how the song goes: Stanley, the protagonist, is a hardcore Eminem fan that gradually goes insane over waiting for Eminem to reply to his letters. While Em has a busy life, what with all the demands of a platinum-selling artist, and has little time to go through fanmail, Stan dedicates his entire time to Eminem, by collecting memorabilia, taking care of his appearance to look exactly like him, taking friends and family to where Eminem is and alienating them from his life, the list goes on.

Throughout the letters, Stan details his life story, and how he loves Eminem more than his own wife — going as far as taking random lines from his songs a bit too seriously, to the point of physically hurting himself.

In the end of the song, Stanley ties his pregnant wife and stuffs her into his car’s trunk, drinks a fifth of vodka, and proceeds to drive way too fast on a freeway while angrily recording a voice message to Eminem. He screams about how Em has “betrayed” him for menial and unrelated things he blew out of proportion because of his parasocial relationship with Marshall. Then, Stanley crashes his car before he can send the message, it falls into the water, and everyone inside dies.

His message was clear: don’t be like Stan. Yet, somehow, Eminem fans decided that the moral of the story was “haha yeah we’re all soooooo crazy right, let’s all be more like that”.

Case in point again: when Eminem came to Brazil for Lollapalooza ’16, some fans publicly plotted to ambush him at the hotel he was staying to get autographs and take photos. Now, Em has gone on record, and on songs, countless times about how private he is and how he hates this kind of invasive behavior. But the fans don’t care — as long as they get a piece of him, everything is fine.

Well, his security team was having none of it, and the plan was foiled. A leader of a particular online Eminem fan group who also took part on the ambush was very vocal about how upset he was, justifying his creepy stalker behavior with “love” for the artist and saying that he “waited years for this [Eminem coming to Brazil] day”. Again, to these fans, as long as they get what they want, anything goes. They feel entitled to the artist’s private life, to his attention, and fail to see the human behind the star.

And since we’re talking about this sick brand of love, how about we get into my third and final point?

Well, most people outside the fanbase don’t know this, but Eminem’s a Democrat.

I know, most of you are already up in arms, “how can a man that said this and that about women and transgenders and gay people yadda yadda and also be a Democrat!!”

Well, I can’t argue with you there, but he is a Democrat (and a hypocrite). He’s not shy at all about his politics and his position, regardless of how much he practices what he preaches.

My point with this is: Eminem built his career, for the most part, on controversy. And all that anger, all that hatred, the misogyny, the homophobia, it resonated strongly with a particular segment of society that happens to support a certain Republican politician — the most powerful one in recent years, in fact.

So, when Eminem first decided to get into what would turn into a series of attacks against former President Donald Trump, he reaffirmed his stance and left a clear message to his fans on the BET Awards 2017 freestyle: if any supporter of Trump, who’s also a fan of his, feels divided and doesn’t know on whose side to stand, he tells them to go stand at Trump’s side and also to go fuck themselves.

This caused a ruckus among his fans because, again, they only listen to what they want to. These people, who claim to love Em so much, never came across one of the hundreds of statements or song lyrics in which he’s made his political views clear — and then, they felt appalled by him basically saying for it the hundreds-plus-one-th time.

And they turn into Stanley so quickly, too! Yesterday it was “Eminem is the GOAT, he’s my everything”, then suddenly it’s “fuck you, you hypocrite, you betrayed me, Trump opened a show for you”, yadda yadda. Just like that.

What I’m saying with all this is please, please let’s make this “stanning” culture less than it is. I’m focusing on Eminem, but to be honest, every major artist — regardless of sphere — suffers from this.

Also, stop wasting your time defending things that are indefensable, and just try to conform to the fact that you like the artist. Stop trying to convince people. It’s just music, man. Cancel culture is not a thing, these people will all be fine and rich tomorrow.

I have two tattoos related to Eminem — my left forearm has the iconic “E” symbol, and the right forearm tattoo reads “Guts Over Fear” — and as far as I care, they ain’t going away because Eminem played a huge role in my life; one that will never be forgotten even if I do stop liking him one day.

But I mean… I’m not 10% of the fan I used to be as a teen, and that’s ok! I know more music now, I’ve learned about other inspiring people, and it feels good not to be stuck on the Eminem bubble forever and ever because let’s face it — one day he’ll stop rapping, and worse, one day he’s going to die like all of us are. And I can’t have my own life tied to someone else’s, especially when they’re that much older than me.

So, y’know, there’s many other ways to express and manage loving somebody. If someone hates Eminem, fucking let them! No one’s obligated to like him, and some people may be rightfully offended by his music. As long as no one’s actively punishing you for enjoying something, don’t do it either and go live your life*. If you acknowledge the wrongdoings of your idol, you humanize him, and all that most artists would like to be in the eyes of their fans is a fellow human, I guess.

After all, he said it himself:

I’m not lookin’ for extra attention
I just wanna be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room
Maybe just point me to the closest restroom

— — — —

*disclaimer: unless the artist in question has done something like assault and battery against women, or nazi apologia in public, or kept children cooped up in a mansion to abuse them, things of that sort. There’s some lines that the “separate the art from the artist” mindset just can’t cross.